Emotions run high on a hellmouth
by applemysteries
Summary: Takes place in Cleveland, after Buffy Season seven. Pretty much what the title says. Couples are Spike and Buffy with mentions of Willow and Oz and Xander and Anya. Some mild suggesting at Giles and Anya. Crack!fic


Basic Description: Anya gets desperate and emotional, Giles gets drunk, and scarred while Spike and Buffy get embarrassed and reunited. Takes place after Season 7. :D

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns the characters and the series. My brain takes credit for the plot bunnies, and my hands take credit for typing. :)

* * *

"But the watchers council could help re-build the magic box!"

"Sunnydale has been destroyed, Anya. There is no magic box."

"They could re-build Sunnydale!"

"Who in there right mind wants to open the hellmouth?"

"Anya does. But as I have explained, the Watchers Council was bombed, and seeing a s I am know the Watchers Council, I refuse to spend funding on re-opening the hellmouth!"

"You wouldn't be! I mean the hellmouth is still there, but now, theres not a town on top of it."

"The hellmouth closed! That was why Spike wore the amulet, that was why Spike died!"

"No, Spike wore the amulet to-"

"Anya, it does not matter. Whats done is done. And, I am not re-opening the hellmouth. You will simply have to find another job."

"I don't want another job," Giles sighed. "I mean, what qualifies you to be a watcher anyway? You were fired… twice. Once by the council and then by your own slayer."

"Yes and both times, I got my job back."

"Well that's just great. When can I get my job back? I mean it's not fair! Your still watcher, Buffy's still slayer, and I'm out of a job," Buffy and Giles looked at each other. This might take a while. "And, I can't go back to vengeance, Buffy stabbed me last time!" We stared off while Giles awkwardly cleaned his glasses.

"You killed over 20 frat boys!"

"They're frat boys! Nobody misses them. I mean they're inexperienced anyway." Buffy's jaw dropped.

"Anya! You were _killing _people!"

"Oh, so when I kill people it's a really big deal, but when Willow… or, or… Spike, goes around slaughtering innocent people _with _a soul, that's okay right. Because you like them better." Anya glared at Buffy.

"I wonder if it's to early for a drink…" We ignored Giles.

"I mean, god, Buffy… you didn't even hurt Spike, you just kept helping him. I mean that chip didn't stop him from hurting you! And it clearly didn't stop him from killing all those people. But, no, Spike has a get out of Jail free card and overtime he kills someone he just waves it in the air and doesn't get staked and turned into dust. Which-"

"Is a good thing love."

Buffy gasped as Spike's lips met hers, fueled with passion and longing. Spike pulled apart giving Buffy a smirk as he looked at her startled expression.

"Spike," Anya hissed. "This is not the plan! Way to blow our freaking cover! And you know she won't kill-"

Buffy went from looking confused to looking outraged in a heartbeat.

"So you've been back and didn't tell me?"

Spike winced as Buffy directed a blow to his arm.

"Ow! No, I wasn't corporeal-"

Buffy hit his arm again.

"So you were back!"

"Yes…" Spike said warily.

Buffy hit him again using full slayer strength.

"Bloody 'ell slayer! I said I was sorry!"

"No you didn't." Anya chirped in.

Spike shot her a glare.

"Right then, sorry. Are you soddin' happy now?"

"You just want me to kiss you again."

"Well, yeah."

Spike smirked at Buffy again.

"Good. Lots of kissing to make up for."

Buffy's lips met Spike's lips with unrestrained passion, not even breaking apart when Giles removed his glasses or when Anya exclaimed 'Soon they'll be having pleasurable orgasms.' They continued kissing until something clicked in Buffy's brain and she broke apart punching Spike in the mouth.

"Stop using your tongue to persuade me! I'm mad at you!"

"Oh dear lord." Giles took off his glasses again, and looked anywhere but Spike and Buffy. And Anya. In fact he just kept his eyes on the floor.

"I mean, Spike, you kept secrets with Anya! And, that's not…. Anya!" Buffy turned to Anya annoyed. Anya just shrugged back in response.

"I don't see what the problem is. He's back now."

"But- but that's" Buffy struggled for a way to convey to Anya that that still didn't make her knowing any better. "But, I mean- that's just- uh, I mean…. Spike, stop it!" Buffy pushed Spike away from her ear which he had been nibbling on.

"Sorry, love, it's just that I missed you…"Spike grinned at her seductively and Buffy felt a flush rise up her body.

"It's okay Buffy," Anya said nodding encouragingly. "You can go have sex with Spike."

Buffy coughed and fiddled around with her hands determinedly avoiding everybody's gaze. Anya was smiling at her, Spike was doing his famous head tilt trying to figure her out, and Giles still wasn't looking at her or anyone.

"Um…. maybe, Spike and I…. should go…. talk…. alone." Spike's eyebrows shot up and he eyed Buffy speculatively, and slightly amused by her discomfort.

"Oh, don't be nervous Buffy, he wants to have orgasms with you as well."

"Oh, dear." Giles got up and wandered around while Spike and Buffy looked around awkwardly with Anya beaming at them. Buffy finally decided that since Spike was back they might as well celebrate, took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"So, um… do you want to? Have sex with…. have sex with me…"

Giles almost fell out of his chair. Buffy blushed looking down at her hands, reminding herself of Willow, and how her first attempt at seducing Oz had gone. Buffy looked up again; Anya was still smiling like an idiot, Spike was trying very hard not to look pleased, and Giles was frantically searching for something while muttering about scotch. Buffy coughed to get Spike's attention.

"In case you didn't notice, this is the part where you say yes. To me, and the sex and, and…. and oh my god I'm being pushy! This is…. you're rejecting me! You're rejecting me because I'm pushy! You've been back, and didn't tell me and now you're trying to reject me for being pushy! You jerk!"

Buffy punched Spike in the jaw, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

"You think you can just come in here all 'back form the dead' and, and, NOT dead, and then reject me?" Buffy stormed furious. Spike walked up to her quickly, hoping to soothe her.

"No, love, you are not being rejected. And, I'm willing to prove it."

Spike ran his tongue over his teeth, smirking at Buffy's evident blush. The two stared into each others eyes for awhile before Anya finally lost her patience.

"Just go have sex already!" The slayer, Vampire, and (now) drunk "ex" watcher all jumped. "Yes, that's right leave. Go have hot, sweaty, steamy sex, somewhere else where you can have orgasms and interlock your interlocking bodies…" Anya trailed off and Spike and Buffy jumped coming to attention.

"Right, lots of… Bye!" Spike and Buffy quickly exited the building and Anya sat down sighing, feeling sex deprived ever since her and Xander's attempt at a 'dating' relationship before throwing sex back in again. Then an idea came to her and she got up and walked over to where Giles was sitting, humming loudly clearly trying to forget everything he had both heard and seen. Anya started "absent mindly" walking her fingers up and down his arm in a sexy appealing way. Giles froze and dropped his bottle of scotch, no longer humming.

"So, Giles, I've been thinking a lot about our kiss….."

* * *

Please Review, it makes my day!


End file.
